Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
