just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
