the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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