based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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