Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had to cum in my sink.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
