I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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