Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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