Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
