He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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