i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
