You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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