If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
