It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
