I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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