Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
