i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
