Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
