"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This is classic penis vs brain.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
