He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
