Please, let me fuck your mom
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
