PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
