Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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