Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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