he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
