I wish I only lived at night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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