Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
