Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
