Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
