Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
