just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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