I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
