Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
