When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
