Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
