I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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