I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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