remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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