Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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