so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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