I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
