um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
