I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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