I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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