I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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