I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
