She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
