I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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