no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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