Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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