guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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