she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
