If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
