your parents love me but you hate me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
