you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
